In Los Angeles, affluent people often shop at Whole foods\u2026 which\u2026 might fit in an ark\u2026 if you drugged the electronic animals\u2026 the cast of Noah dressed in anachronistic contemporary classic movie attire, over act their way from one scene to the next flood of bad\u2026 evil\u2026 greedy trashy leather and hair extensions flaunting, trendy MAD MAX rival sibling… Ruler of the damned, hitching a ride, wounded, inside the cartoon ark, adrift in the middle of a bad plot and stupid invented biblical dribble. The family of surf sipping fashion cast-aways, waiting for \u201cthe BIG wave\u2026\u201d The moral of the story: DO NOT MURDER your twin granddaughters! OK, Dude?<\/p>\n
Do NOT set up your father to be murdered by your blood lusting uncle. OK??? He will be Shakespearean in his on-stage twitching rage and bristling Anglo-Irish\u2026 what is that stupid\u2026 oh yeah\u2026 another movie packed with longhairs\u2026 the one about a lost Ring\u2026 cramp. Moral number 15 of the story: keep kosher or dear ol\u2019 god won\u2019t give the snakeskin blessing… wait what? This doesn\u2019t make any sense\u2026 well the Old Testament didn\u2019t make a whole lot of sense did it??? Slapped together from yarns, threads, ancient Hebrew, ancient tongues, mysterious\u2026 powerful!<\/p>\n
Not a JOKE. NOT FUNNY, really.<\/p>\n
Noah is supposed to be serious and it really shocked me that I was the only one laughing throughout this farce of a film.<\/p>\n
I dig the part about the groovy garden with a tempting tree and handy slithering salesman: SATAN.<\/p>\n
Laughter erupting at the illogical slap-dash raft of a bloated “electronically mastered,\u201d logic challenged, folly\u2026 perfect for those that love their entertainment ABSURDLY all Caucasian and without a touch of truth\u2026 those that crave twisted, computer animated nonsense\u2026 I mean, what is with the talking rocks??? Why do all Hollywood brain busters have to have a giant robot folding over upon itself, a computerized Character, which is sent in to save a floundering script and pointless flick from sinking. Noah, a movie made for those that image prehistory in terms of a simpler time; when wives were, animals, children, and all else were to be subject to a very macho and temperamental LORD; white DUDE.<\/p>\n Happy April FOOL\u2019s Month, to those that, join me in celebrating Hollywood\u2019s power to draw in audiences out of their, presumably, cozy homes to the public view situation of the Movie Palace or Theater\u2026 How do they manage to get humans to give up hard earned dollars to see pretty European California pampered brand name faces perform empty renditions of what might be our most sacred religious documents?<\/p>\n Imagine: a BIG WAVE wipes Malibu off the earth and then there is NO MORE TRAFFIC.<\/p>\n Unfortunately, Noah did not have a surfboard strapped to the top of the ark… It would have added extra\u2013\u2013spice\u2013\u2013to the already hyped-up Hollywood version\u2026 after all, they took so many liberties with the established biblical narrative<\/a>.<\/p>\n![\"noah\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/07\/noah.jpg?resize=300%2C150&ssl=1\")
<\/a>The NOAH story told by Hollywood, puts Russell Crow in baggy denim trousers looking the part of a frazzled Los Angeles “off-his-meds,” unstable angry husband\/DAD\u2026 an overworked father of three, a rushed and post industrial worker transported via lack of historical knowledge to an imagined past\u2026 very strange\u2026 belching stacks, polluted environment\u2026 all very LA NOW. His wife,the dashing Jennifer Connelly, wears the organic hand stitched mantel of plastic trash bags left over from the set of Waterworld<\/a>, another underwater Hollywood disaster picture, gone way wrong\u2026 The hyper unimaginative costume designer got the LOOK of a Prius Driving power-yoga-stressed out- BEACH queen MOM, perpetually aggravated from fighting traffic, on the Pacific Coast Highway, wearing her athletic gear and lambs skin lined bulky flat surf boots, despite claim to be \u201calmost vegan\u2026\u201d yet LOVIN\u2019 Skinny Margaritas\u2026 characteristic of the \u201claid back,\u201d amazingly aggressive and self-centered inhabitants of one of the world\u2019s most exclusive enclaves of wealth\u2026 sending out the sun-kissed image of Wind-Whipped Anime hair<\/a>\u2026 too much.<\/p>\n