{"id":2802,"date":"2017-08-04T15:26:37","date_gmt":"2017-08-04T22:26:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.talkinggrid.com\/?p=2802"},"modified":"2017-08-05T14:08:12","modified_gmt":"2017-08-05T21:08:12","slug":"embracing-life-caridads-approach-dealing-cancer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/embracing-life-caridads-approach-dealing-cancer\/","title":{"rendered":"“Embracing Life”: Caridad’s 23 Rules for living with cancer"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cancer with Style<\/strong>. Caridad was able to live with breast cancer, which behaved like an aggressive \u201ctriple negative cancer\u201d, for 8 good years. She accomplished this by \u201cembracing life\u201d, which, in her own words, meant \u201cdancing with cancer, rather than fighting with it<\/i>\u201d. Right after her diagnosis in July 2009, I bought a full case of her favorite champagne, Veuve Clicquot, which didn\u2019t last very long. This led to the motto:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen we get bad news: we celebrate. When we get good news: we celebrate<\/i>\u201d<\/strong>, which is at the heart of Cancer with Style system.<\/p>\n

Caridad wrote about cancer blessings (“23 cancer blessings<\/em>“), which I summarize here for you. These are largely Caridad\u2019s words, which I have edited and re-organized.<\/p>\n

Best wishes,<\/p>\n

Hartmuth Kolb<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Caridad and Hartmuth Kolb<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

\u201cCancer Blessings?<\/i> How dare Frau Kolb suggest that the cancer might mean an end to your precious life is a blessing? Well, Frau Kolb is an expert on getting a kick out of whatever life throws up in the way of enjoying life. \u00a0I am NOT, however a doctor, what you read here is my personal proposal, an invitation, if you will, to join me in celebrating the good and bad news<\/i>, as good and bad news will bloom in your life like flowers in the spring time.<\/p>\n

Many will find themselves alone and without means to cope with the huge costs of cancer. \u00a0They must now tap into a source, a reserve, of strength and clarity within themselves. \u00a0That still point, deep within the garden of being, which holds keys to enjoying your life no matter what strikes you, allowing space for life to remain precious when you face life-threatening cancer treatment. In order to be effective the treatment is rough, it can kill you. So\u2026 you better get ready. \u00a0This is a time to re-new your contract and decide IF living suits you well enough to cling to all lively, joyous, and creative pursuits. \u00a0For those who have lost their path, or never had a clear route toward fulfillment, cancer maybe a chance to save their own lives by using the opportunity to connect with others and thereby forming a \u201cCancer Circle,\u201d of which they are the center. \u00a0It could be that this is the chance to meet new people with whom to relate, commune, and move forward.<\/p>\n

My husband, Dr. Hartmuth C. Kolb came up with the motto \u201cwhen we get bad news: we celebrate\/when we get good news: we celebrate\u201d, which is at the heart of this Cancer with Style system.\u201c<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
New Year’s Eve 2016\/17 – Caviar and “champagne”<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

The original \u00a0\u201cCancer Blessing,\u201d was discovered by my talented medical oncologist, Dr. Lawrence Piro upon the discovery that my chemo-therapy treatment had to be interrupted to perform an open-heart-surgery\u2026 but that is another story.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Caridad, the weekend after the diagnosis in July 2009<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

I write with the intention of providing you with a chuckle or, at least, 23\u00a0good reasons to laugh in the face of death, a useful fresh perspectives, and empowerment in these times of turmoil.<\/p>\n

Please take care and know that I am thinking of all the people out there; losing their hair, having breasts amputated, or otherwise facing profound changes; in order to continue to embrace the bliss of breathing.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Frau Kolb\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Happy Birthday!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

This list of 23 Cancer Blessings<\/b> is based on my experience dancing with rather than fighting against cancer. \u00a0Because of my BRCA2 mutation, there was little I could have done to avoid having cancer (cf., however, my Angelina Jolie article), yet there is much I\u2019ve done to enjoy life while undergoing treatment. \u00a0All in all, my life has expanded and become more fulfilling during my dancing time.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve traveled more. \u00a0I made time and space in my life for creativity in a way that keeps me connected and vital. Talkinggrid is one of the out comes of my stretching wingspan into areas that were my dream territories: publishing and professional writing, being every reading girl\u2019s ultimate dream. \u00a0I invite you to join me on this worthy voyage, the art of making peace with yourself and enjoying every second of your life as it is. \u00a0Yes, you are going to get treatment. \u00a0This advice is NOT about PRAYING CANCER AWAY<\/i><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Hawaii 2016, after nearly dying a few months earlier<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

1.) Cancer means you must stop, take a deep breath and LOOK at yourself. \u00a0This is the ultimate opportunity to take stock of your life. \u00a0This is the part of the movie of YOU where you find out what really matters and who really cares. \u00a0Do not be surprised if some of the people you thought would be present for you are not. \u00a0Let them go. \u00a0Be OPEN to the new LOVE that can and will support you.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Contemplating life with cancer<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

2.) YOU have zero time to waste.\u00a0 You must focus your depleted energy wisely in order to make it from one day to the next.\u00a0 Cancer is a serious condition and minimizing it, is a strategy I employ.\u00a0 Yet, I\u2019ve never backed down or stepped away from treatment.\u00a0 I\u2019ve EMBRACED LIFE, thus finding strength that isn\u2019t mine, borrowing it from my husband, my friends, and the world\u2026 remembering that my drama is but a drop in the galactic sea of mystery.\u00a0 Enjoying the ups and down, of the eternal \u201cred-wine sea\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

3.)\u00a0Address the issues: this is time to educate yourself, apply the SEVEN BOOK RULE<\/b>, which is Frau Kolb\u2019s favorite success tool: read seven books about your type of cancer. \u00a0Why seven? Because then you will have an informed perspective and know what to ask your doctors.\u00a0YOU better learn the basics of what others have endured or in order to find the treasure buried in the middle of this surreal landscape.<\/p>\n

4.) Find an advocate who deeply cares about you when dealing with doctors, getting tests done and making decisions. Make sure you and your advocate take notes during your meetings with doctors, and be ready for them with lists of questions.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Infusions at home by my husband<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

5.)\u00a0Become very friendly with your doctors. \u00a0Share the jokes you read, hear, and love with them and they will LOVE seeing YOU and YOU will get better care. \u00a0Bring them a copy of a great book you just read. \u00a0LOVE them and they will care about YOU, more.\u00a0Moreover: being the favorite patient of a great doctor has many social benefits. Be super NICE to medical staff, after all, they have your life in their hands. \u00a0Don\u2019t forget your \u201cplease and thank you, for the bed pan,\u201d \u00a0Because if you are given treatment that is fair and kind you are blessed. \u00a0Be grateful. Don\u2019t forget that flirting with your medical staff is one healthy way of keeping everyone\u2019s spirits UP!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
With Dr. Piro at his John Wayne special service award celebration<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

6.) IF you did not put together the perfect care team for yourself, remember that as long as you live you can always make changes. Always. All you have to do is use your words, ask nice, play fair, and be sweet on change to get it.<\/p>\n

7.) Don\u2019t just cut the cancer out, radiate it, take the chemo: do what you must. Do it fast. Do not hesitate because everyday counts. Cancers are <\/i>not<\/i><\/b> full of pity<\/i>. They will eat you! Embrace the rigors of radical treatment as long as you can and IF your condition is beyond bad\u2026 well take your meds, Champagne, and let Oscar Wilde and Dorothy Parker get the table ready for you when you hit the perpetual dinner party in the sky, do it with panache. Every time you make a decision that prolongs your life and helps you enjoy being here you are blessed. \u00a0So enjoy making choices with your team of friends and family headed by an advocate, which ideally is someone educated and good at record keeping, someone BOLD and deeply INVESTED in your success<\/i>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Ready for Chemotherapy<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

8.) Soon, you will have access to heavy duty pain medications. Take it slow! Follow directions. But, we gotta be grateful that they exist. They work better than a mallet to knock you OUT for a restful night of much needed sleep. When it really hurts, thank goodness, for Vicodin! Do not abuse your medications. Yet, use them to help you leap across the parts too far from ease to be healthy. In other words, don\u2019t suck up the pain, take a prescribed pill when you require it. If you live where it is legally available, Medical Marijuana works for nausea and other \u201cchronic,\u201d conditions. It may also help with mood swings and depression, just request the right strains. There are strains, \u201cIndicas,\u201d that put you right \u201cheavy,\u201d state for sleep and other strains, \u201cSativas,\u201d that help stamina, creativity, and giggles. You no longer have to smoke, the aroma(s) offends, because they have a wide variety of edible: tea, honey, candies, bagel chips, and lemonades infused with THC and immune boosting CBD. Try it only if you feel comfortable with the idea. I LOVE it because it makes me feel like a naughty teen to take a bong hit in my boudoir. Anyway\u2026 you might find you like the staff at the dispensaries.<\/p>\n

9.) This is your chance to cash in all favors and make all the outrageous requests you desire. \u00a0Go for it! \u00a0No one will fault you. Finally! \u00a0Freedom to be a cancer DIVA is a blessing. Use this chance to say the important things to the important people. \u00a0BE REAL. \u00a0Stop being so nice IF it hurts you. \u00a0BE GENEROUS with the praise and gratitude for every little courtesy or good vibe others will show you. \u00a0Listen to each person that comes to you as though they were an angel delivering messages from god. \u00a0<\/i>LISTEN.<\/i><\/p>\n

10.) FORGIVE!\u00a0 Forgive everybody for everything.\u00a0 Now is time to LOVE and feel one with every nurse, every waiter, every human that comes and that may care for you if you OPEN your heart to loving everybody. \u00a0Yet, this doesn\u2019t mean that you forget that some people are toxic. \u00a0Let those people go and embrace the ones that love you NOW. Did you do something BAD, hurtful to someone, long ago\u2026 maybe?\u00a0 Write the victim of your misdeed, a letter, ASK for FORGIVENESS, mail it to yourself, and IF and only IF after reading it yourself and feeling it would make the person receiving it feel GOOD, then mail it to the injured party.\u00a0 Rest assured that accepting responsibility for the fact that we all hurt others, either on purpose or by \u201caccident,\u201d is a good thing for it allows us to shed the weight of unpaid energetic debts, of love and caring that was absent, when it is the mandate of life that we love, in order to be loved.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Love and prayers – with Caridad’s niece, Emily Prince-Ralby<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

11.) When you have CANCER your time is officially YOURS! \u00a0Now: you must focus and use your energy like a laser to create GOOD in your world. This is a time to pray, IF that works for YOU, to sing, to turn inward, and rejoice because YOU are ALIVE.\u00a0Take time to watch leaves fall in slow motion from autumn trees or the snow melt and freeze. \u00a0It is time for reading novels in bed, to go on Long sunset walks, and to spend more time with your friends, family and your pets.<\/p>\n

12.) Have a daily belly laugh. \u00a0Yes, this is time for comedy. \u00a0This is time for laughing until others in the chemo-center give you funny looks. \u00a0Make a practice of laughing. \u00a0Call your funniest friends. Watch humorous movies.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Laughing is healthy!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

13.) This is a time when tradition comes in handy. \u00a0Tap into who you are and what your people do at times of crisis, then select what works, discard the fist fighting and drunken orgies, do adopt the customs of other cultures that might fit your mood and help you enjoy life more.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Tradition: Halloween 2016<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

14.) The leaner, fitter, stronger you are the more likely to recover from your sometimes grueling cancer treatment and the long periods of testing\/uncertainty.\u00a0So, WALK! \u00a0Better yet, RUN! EAT BETTER. \u00a0More fresh\u2014organic is best\u2014Food! Cook more or rather invite friends over, they can help you cook\/clean because now that you are the dancing with the cancer blessing you are now in the position to graciously accept help, love, and support.\u00a0 Self care is central to success in coping with any major crisis. This is really the time to pamper yourself. So\u2026 ramp-up your bath routine. Bath oils, salts, candles, lotions, scrub-brushes, and abrasive bathing gloves. None of it is \u201cexpensive,\u201d really but when you really get going you can make a very nice day of being in the tub, especially as you undergo treatment.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Fitness<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

15.) When your looks are gone, erased, you must learn to paint on a happy face or\u2026 be a blank slate.\u00a0 Pick.\u00a0 Do.\u00a0 Make-up is said to boast the immune system.\u00a0 Don\u2019t neglect your basic hygiene.\u00a0 Taking time to brush your teeth and put on a pretty scarf or a big macho cow-boy hat which will make others laugh and question your identity\u2026 GOOD MOVE!<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Happiness, deep inside<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

16.)\u00a0 Learn something totally unrelated to your new condition. Focus on learning Italian, for example. You always wanted to learn French. This is the moment to go to the public library and take out the Farsi tapes or the Swahili. What would you like to learn? Investing yourself in picking up NEW skills will give you strength to face this new reality.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
I have a enough reading to last me a few weeks! Hah!<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

17.) Plan a no-expense spared trip around the world for yourself. Of course, you won\u2019t go. Yet, you will really think about the trip. How you would travel\u2026 Where you would visit\u2026 The schedules of luxury cruise ships are available on-line; image yourself in the Penthouse Suite, if this appeals to you. If not\u2026 are you backpacking in the Andes? Tell me, where will you go? Read guide books and learn about what to expect when you arrive. The trip should be long and lavish. This is so much more pleasant to focusing on the HORROR, the HORROR of treatment.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Caridad in Paris<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

18.) Ever wanted to meet someone famous\u2026 well, if you are terminal\u2026 you might consider addressing a request to their press\/public relations representatives and respectfully request a visit from\u2026 you are very likely to get what YOU want, now\u2026 Brad Pitt\u2026 David Bowie\u2026 or\u2026 Adele. \u00a0Watch out! \u00a0Because, you really have the power to pull powerful people IN by being beautiful despite the medical drama. \u00a0Use it.<\/p>\n

19.) Visit churches, landmarks, and museums.\u00a0 Enjoy the public spaces of your cities.\u00a0 The grand architecture or natural wonders of the world deserve your attention even if they are only around the corner.\u00a0 Shake it UP!\u00a0 You don\u2019t have to be the version of yourself you have been thus far.\u00a0 Part of you will be forever changed by treatment and the new you is yours to chisel into the you,\u00a0you<\/i>\u00a0are now. Allow the cancer to be a reason why you step into being your true self in public.\u00a0 It empowered Frau Kolb by forcing her to make time for creativity, art, and other sources of profound delight.\u00a0Cancer can be a license to finally focus attention on loving yourself in order to make\u00a0ease-rich<\/i><\/b>\u00a0(the opposite of dis-ease<\/i><\/b>) choices.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Caridad and Abraham Lincoln<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

20.) In other words, make the cancer work for you.\u00a0 Yes, there are resources assigned and available to people undergoing cancer treatment.\u00a0 Just telling someone, that you have cancer, can make them cut you some slack.\u00a0 This is not a card I advise using frequently but when you must, whip it out with flourish and revel in the fact that there are many CANCER BENEFITS for you to enjoy.<\/p>\n

21.) If you believe in heaven: make a list of all the people you look forward to feasting with in the afterlife.\u00a0 In heaven, I\u2019m convinced that, you can have dinner with Augustus, the ancient Roman Emperor, Ben Franklin, and Anna Nicole Smith, all together, at their prime, forever available, because in heaven YOU can be two places at once, I\u2019m certain of it\u2026 IF you like!\u00a0 If you don\u2019t believe, well make a list of who you would like to see if heaven were real and you will tickle (I swear) your grandmother\u2019s spirit when you list her.\u00a0 Go for it and feel the good vibes of every human you list, no matter how \u201clong-gone,\u201d kissing you and loving you no matter how vicious the pain or ugly the bruising\u2026 you have the long line of human fortitude to tap into. \u00a0Revel in the fact that you come from tough people and that tough people bite the dust, too.<\/p>\n

22.)\u00a0 Give some money, a dollar or two counts, to cancer research. \u00a0 Hardworking scientists give up their youths, studying, and learning so that they can create effective cancer medications for us. \u00a0Don\u2019t believe that cancer medications are anything less than miracles and every time you drink a pill down, bless the water.<\/p>\n

23.)\u00a0 Threshold states are FUN!\u00a0 What could be more exciting than being near death?\u00a0 <\/i>You don\u2019t know when its coming but rest assured it will.<\/i><\/b>\u00a0 If you can learn to enjoy this state you might just live forever.\u00a0 Hah!<\/i><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>
Less than a month post brain surgery<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cancer with Style. Caridad was able to live with breast cancer, which behaved like an aggressive \u201ctriple negative cancer\u201d, for 8 good years. She accomplished this by \u201cembracing life\u201d, which, in her own words, meant \u201cdancing with cancer, rather than fighting with it\u201d. Right after her diagnosis in July 2009, I bought a full case […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2765,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[359,362,364,39,363,265],"class_list":["post-2802","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-spirituality-art-chat","tag-caridad-kolb","tag-embracing-life","tag-emily-prince-ralby","tag-hartmuth-kolb","tag-lawrence-piro","tag-living-with-cancer"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/04\/FullSizeRender.jpg?fit=3264%2C2448&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2802","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2802"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2802\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2840,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2802\/revisions\/2840"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/2765"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2802"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2802"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/talkinggrid.com\/dev\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2802"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}