“Koala,” seven assorted sizes, acrylic panels on canvas, August 2013 by Frau Kolb
Saturday, 28 September 2013
Los Angeles, California
Do you get attached to people, places, things? Do you try to hold on and hoard for the “uncertain,” future? Well… I do, too. An artist, for better or worse, a performer, an entertainer, a talker, writer, painter, creative party-animal, and sometimes insecure nerd. I have an issue with wanting to amass more and more followers, following, flowering towering, the youngest and only child of an extended family, getting attention being a factor… dominating my consciousness… It isn’t easy to let GO.
Take family, for instance…. do you LOVE the family you stem from, beyond all measure, and even if they don’t care for YOU? Are they really your people or do you simply cling to them for lack of other obvious options, in the name of duty and status quo? It is very tempting to paint yourself into a corner and feel YOU MUST maintain your relationship with people that don’t necessarily LIKE you. Have you ever considered that your family members might not choose YOU? That YOU are the unwelcome guest in the family bosom? The BLACK SHEEP? The ONE they don’t want, the one they loath, the one with the darker skin or the ugly mole? ARE YOU A PARIAH?
Tell me. I wanna know.
Why? Because, I’m curious… LIKE, a little animal… crawling, poking, pushing… investigating… sometimes where I am NOT wanted or welcome. Yet, I continue.
How about your “so called,” friends? Do they LOVE or LIKE or merely tolerate YOU? Who are you to them? Are you little Ms. Moneybags that appears at just the right moment to pick up the check and the residual laughter over jokes you did not devour? Are you the person they turn to when they “need,” someone in a pink rubber ALL-EAR suit to listen to their boyfriend drama or other mindless BS?
Tell me. I crave the comfort of knowing you better. I crave the fact of companionship, comradery of LOVE.
I have a handful of very close deep friendships. Connections that blossomed spontaneously and have endured for decades, sometimes despite my many short comings and sometimes precisely because of who I AM. Friendships with very intelligent—gifted actually—humans, seem to suit me best, people that read deeply and fluently, between the lines, and in some cases between the sheets… Hah! Brilliant humans with hearts made of pure solid precious metal guarded by barbed wire and the automatic weaponry of hyper intelligence. Hah! I’m lucky they LOVE me. And… How do I know they LOVE me?
Because LOVE is NOT a theory. Love is not a casual, occasional convenience, it is not the thing of FACEBOOK LIKES. Fakebook plays an important role in my LIFE, I’ve met brilliant and inspiring artists, art dealers, the occasional popular art critic, and other wayward art minds which have enriched my somewhat isolated and patently sheltered existence. I HAVE! I also unfriended 90% of my sprawling friend-list starting about a year ago. The reason I had to raise the hatchet and hack my way to the tiny number, less than a regiment, of Facebook contacts is that I had allowed the toxic hordes of uncaring gawkers to come in unsupervised and run amok among the golden treasure of my true feelings. OUCH!
Love is a verb, manifested in action, caring, proximity, and passion. Love is the daily contact, the all-night vigils, the primate-grooming, the little gifts, the big bail-outs. Love is powerful, fulfilling, and reliable. I have experienced true HONEST and tangible LOVE. It has healed me, saved my life, motivated me, made me laugh, and given me reason to stand up for myself and refuse to be discounted, dismissed, and/or disrespected.
Now, I miss a few of the cut-out FACEBOOK contacts. The witty ones, that write well…and post tantalizing images of ART I dig. Artists, mostly, that make work not only in images but in on-point observation, and clipped tight repartee, which is very much a part of the city I stem from, which was my real mother, Manhattan, NEW YORK. Not EVERYONE. After my “Great FACEBOOK Purge,” of 2012, few of the Facebook flock don’t want ME back, butt at-the-end-of-the-day, I am happy because I know that the handful of real friends, old pals and perhaps one or two new ones that love me, do so with real intensity, real acceptance, devotion, and knowledge of who I am over the long haul, after the cows and koalas come home.
Wishes of Maximum Well-Being for YOU and everyone who CARES about YOU,
Frau K