“Chameleon,” © Frau Kolb, Acrylic on Canvas Panel, 5×7″ September, 2013
Los Angeles, California
3 October 2013
IF you are the kind of person that changes COMPLETELY fades into the background and becomes part of whatever scenery you encounter, leaving your personality at the door, individuality at the coat check and BLENDS into whatever/whoever is around them in the BLINK of an eye, without feeling the lose of self as a deadly HORROR please pass me by. I am not interested in communing with the soulless.
Furthermore, experience has revealed to me time and time again that I work best with people of integrity. People that stand for something and don’t change with the wind or the latest whim of contemporary fashion. I am a straight forward woman. When people SMILE real big and play NICE NICE, I often fall for their surface changing trickery. Based on being burned, a number of times by apparently interested, invested, and caring companions and co-workers, I’ve learned to avoid picking as work /play mates people I can not acurately read. IF you are the type that BLENDS well into your environment and becomes just LIKE every friend, employer, lover, acquaintance, dance-partner, or clever/dominant friend circle you ever had, well pardonne moi s’il vous plaît, but we are not destined for closeness. Intimacy being a treasure, to me, reserved for those that can handle my precious and tender soul with care.
I LIKE transparent people. This doesn’t mean YOU are required to tell me what you eat for lunch each day. (Goodness forbid, in fact.) Yet, “Full disclosure,” of pertinent facts is a MUST for establishing a sticky bond in my book. No mystery for me (unless, of course, it is a Judge Dee book). I do NOT mean that I expect or prefer people to be boring or predictable. NO! I’m talking integral and REAL. YOU tell me your truth. I tell you mine. I appreciate that we are different people. YOU are YOU and I am ME, (Frau Kolb, the woman that snatched birth name away from the public eye in order to protect it from butchering by Americans and Anglo-Saxons and Others that can not roll their “Rs,” or delight in silent last letters and, instead, goes by the word for Mrs. in German because that is what people call her when she is in Germany, the nation she LOVES and where her one and only husband, a person so distinct, unique, and patently integral was born and raised by his equally forth right and authentic parents.) Anyway, this doesn’t mean that we don’t all change a little as time goes by or when we should behave in the same way when we are at a funeral AND on the dance floor of a thumping disco.
capicé
Perhaps, it takes a lot of… I don’t know… mojo to stay true to one’s calling and steer clear of the well worn path of hypocrisy which is so alluring with its benefits of promised respectability and social acceptance. In my tattered and well worn book of life rules, I believe nothing would compensate me IF I hadn’t listened to my inner voice when it told me I must become a mother first and that everything else was less important TO ME.
I’ve never, I guess, “had to,” sacrifice myself on the altar of convenience. I never had to become what others wanted me to be. I am what I am: a gracious and vivacious HAM, a slightly twisted BRAIN, a woman that can aim at her goals and achieve them. I’ve always been me: buzzing along, smelling the roses, into sweetness, and occasionally planting my stinger in the enemy’s bum.
The bottom line is: BEE yourself. Buzz around obstacles to the true YOU. You are beautiful. You won’t find real pleasure in LIFE until you stop being a carbon copy of your wife when the two of you are at church and she prays publicly LIKE her life depends on it and you kneel down right beside her and pretend that you aren’t really into hot hairy sweaty men, ass you are. The fact is that with self acceptance comes freedom, JOY, happiness and the ability to stop judging, harassing, hurting, and bothering others that have made the leap and become who they really are.
BASTA!
Yours truly,
Frau K.